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The Family Place delivers comprehensive programs designed to strengthen positive relationships, teach essential skills and promote enduring healthy growth for families with young children in the Upper Valley and surrounding communities.
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Posted on 19 Apr 2013 by Administrator and has 0 Comment
Tonya McMurray, the mental health counselor here at The Family Place, has some advice for talking to children about tragic, frightening events:
It’s been a tough week. I’ve had a few questions from people about how to help families talk to children about the things that have happened this week, and I’ve been a part of a couple of conversations this morning about how hard this week has been for some of us adults as well…..so I thought I’d send out some tips that might be helpful.
Talking to Kids
The first advice I’d give to parents is to turn off the radio and TV and limit kids’ access to media coverage of the events. First, because young kids won’t pay attention and/or understand the media coverage, but will see the explosions, etc. and may think things are worse than they really are (for example, they may think that every time they see the explosion on TV, it’s another event). And, secondly, repeated exposure to the information keeps the stress associated with situation high.
The key to talking to kids about any kind of bad situation is to give them age-appropriate factual information in a calm and matter of fact way. You also want to assure them that they are safe and that their caregivers and families are safe. While you can never promise that bad things won’t happen to them, you can tell them that you will do what you can to keep things safe. So, for example, talking to young kids about the bombings in Boston, you might say something like “Some men left a bomb and when it went off, some people were hurt and three people died. The people that were hurt went to the hospital and the doctors are working to make them better. I know it’s really scary, but you are safe and our family is safe. I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to keep all of us safe.” You could also add that one of the men who did this is now dead and that the police are trying to catch the other man who did this bad thing. If you’re talking about the explosion in Texas, you could say “A building exploded and people aren’t really sure why. Some people died and some people were hurt. Doctors are helping the people who were hurt. It’s really scary, but you’re safe and our family is safe and I’m going to work really hard to keep all of us safe.”
Older kids may ask “What if you can’t keep us safe?” You can respond by saying that if you couldn’t keep things safe, then you would get help. You can also help kids think of the people they know (teachers, policemen, friends, other family members) that they could go to if they needed help to stay safe. You can also say something along the lines of “If something bad were to happen, our family would work together to take care of each other.”
Thoughts on How Adults Can Manage
Limit exposure to the media coverage – because we now have 24-hour coverage in multiple media formats, we’re inundated with information – even when there’s no new information. It can be tempted to try to stay connected to the coverage, but hearing about a tragedy over and over only increases stress levels.
Make connections with other people so that you don’t feel alone or isolated. It’s a good time to take a few hours over the weekend to spend with friends or family members just having fun (because having fun with people you care about is a great stress reliever).
Recognize that you are probably a little more stressed this week and make time for some self care – a long walk, time at the gym, a long bubble bath, good chocolate, meditation, or whatever helps you feel more grounded and centered.
While a week with multiple scary, tragic events can make it seem like the world has suddenly become less safe, that’s really not true. Life is always uncertain and there are many things that are always out of our control – events like the ones this week just highlight that for us; they don’t really change anything. Even though it’s normal to feel unsettled, it’s also helpful to remind yourself that the world has not suddenly become a more dangerous place.